Friday, August 25, 2006

The Horizon…

The water rose up to his ears. The voices around him grew fainter and fainter. He struggled to keep his eyes open. To understand what was happening. His taste buds felt the salt water turning bitter in his mouth. He had never felt so overpowered by anything. The force that pulled him down into the oblivion was too strong for him. Too strong for a mere mortal. Too strong for any help to breakthrough. He was trapped.

They say a man’s whole life flashes before his eyes when he’s about to die. But at that instant he was too confused to realize that the very fact was actually materializing itself. He had never believed that. His relation with fate was perhaps as strong as a snake’s relation with his young. He had never pondered over it, or perhaps never pondered enough. He was a happy go lucky soul, who had done in life as had pleased him. And lady luck had usually been on his side. Until today.

He now felt that he was seeing glimmering shades of his life. Strange, how all he remembered was his leaning on the ferry’s railing a few minutes ago. Strange how he remembered noticing the horizon being demarcated only by shades of blue. The lighter, skyline above and the deeper alluring blue of the sea below. The same horizon that was diminishing right before his eyes now. The same horizon, whose deeper blue he was now disappearing into. Becoming an eternal part of.

---------------------------------

The breeze had been beautiful. Soaked with the smell of sea salts, of coral. It was the kind of breeze which made one want to sing and sway his arms aimlessly like a child. He had joined in singing along with a couple of young boys on deck and celebrated the swaying breeze …

“I'm on the top of the world
lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation
I can find Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world………”

Nothing seemed out of place. There were a child playing with his dog and the latter running after a ball; an old man, probably a businessman of sorts, lying down reading the day’s paper. Another few middle aged men and women were lounging out on the deck trying to grab some sunlight which had however chosen to hide itself somewhere behind the clouds today.

Up on the first floor of the cruiser, dinner had just ended. People were flurrying outside the dining area now.

He remembered noticing her walk out onto the deck above and have held the railing. Her long black hair swayed in the sea breeze and her deep grey eyes seemed to search for something within those waters. He had noticed her time and again but he had not known her beyond these moments when she came out on the deck.

Her aura of calmness reminded him of his home. Her eyes seemed as full of life as the April breeze that blew in his backyard just before he had come on this journey. Her innocence as fresh as that of the children playing out on the streets. Her well-toned chocolate skin clothed in a flowing white linen dress seemed breathtaking. For these brief moments, he was mesmerized.

He had hoped to talk to her someday. And maybe if things went well, she would agree to come with him to his city. They could make the rest of the journey back home together. He could take her to meet his mother and his sister. It could be the start of something beautiful.
His mother, a joyful spirit that could even cheer up a blind mole with her laughter, would have liked her and perhaps she would have even made her special blueberry muffins for the occasion. He had smiled at the thought.

He remembered that his sister’s eighteenth birthday was coming up. He planned to take her a special souvenir from his journey. She was such a pretty young woman. And with such an able head on her shoulders too. He loved her more than anything in this world. They had seen so much together. She had been there like an advisor, a confidante, a best friend though she was so much younger. She had been there when he brought his first earnings home. When he first fell in love with a local girl and when she had left town. He had cried that day. She was there. Everytime. He had wished he could do the same for her sometime.

He had initially worried coming on the journey and leaving their mother alone. But he knew with his sister there, he had little to worry about. She was way mature than her tender age. More so ever since they lost their father. And besides he was only going to for three months. This little boost to his income was worth the three months away from home. It had meant that his mother would not have to work anymore. It meant that his sister could also just concentrate on her college. It had meant a better world for him and his family.

-------------------------------------------

The ‘silent’ breeze had turned into an almost wild wind now. He could hear the ‘swish’ in the wind as it rapped away against his shirt. He was taking all that the wind brought in into his lungs now. Inhaling deeply every time. He loved every second of it. This breeze was so different, so much better than the stagnant air that stood over the river near their house at home.

---------------------

Then it came. The thunder was first. Then the rumbling of the clouds. He saw people cursing the ‘bad’ weather and going back to their cabins. She had tried to tame her hair that blew in her face too. But after many failed attempts to do that, she had left for her cabin.
He was now alone on the deck. Except a few crew men who were trying scurrying around from one end of the ferry to the other as if trying to pacify the wind. He sniggered at the worried men.

He did not realize where the gush of water came from. Last thing he did remember was seeing a man in the blue crew uniform run past him yelling something. And stopping abruptly to look at him. He had smiled at the man. But the man looked apprehensive…bewildered…fearful. Then the man had yelled. The man’s bewilderment had transferred to him now. He was overwhelmed. There had been no time to act…or react…

----------------------

And now, there he was…gasping for air…sipping away the sea unwillingly. The flashes before his eyes had a luminous glint now. The railing…the blue uniform…the swish of the wind… her long mane…the white dress…his mother…the muffins…his sister…the river…the horizon…

It was over.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Hazaar Rahein....

been listening to this song and loving it....

Hazaar Rahein, mur ke dekhin...
kahin se koi sada na aayi...

bari wafa se...
nibahi tum ne...
hamari thori se bewafai...

-----

Jahan se tum morr mur gaye thay...
ye morr ab bhi wahin parey hain...

Hum apney pairoon main janey kitney...
bhanwar lapaitey kharey hain...

-----

bari wafa se nibahi tum ne
hamari thori se bewafai....

-----

kahin kisi roz youn bhi hota...
hamari haalat tumhari hoti...

jo raat hum ne guzari
woh raat tum ne guzari hoti...

-----

bari wafa se nibahi tum ne
hamari thori se bewafai....

-----

tumhein ye zid thi ke hum bulatey
humein ye umeed ke woh pukare

hai naam hoontoon pe ab bhi lekin...
awaaz main par gaein dararein...

-----

Hazaar Rahein, mur ke dekhin...
kahin se koi sada na aayi...

bari wafa se...
nibahi tum ne...
hamari thori se bewafai...

------

(p.s: for those who do not appreciate/understand such old songs, or such shairi, or anything in urdu...blah i couldn't care less...its just a shame that u don't)

Randomness

It’s the quarter break...I'm supposed to be all happy but blah...none of that happens!

Sigh...

I have a ton of books to read...yes those I’m reading...slowly slowly...but the rest oft eh 'happy' stuff...sleeping waking up thinking omg no Lums today...skipping rather than walking...and that jazz...I dunno...I’ve not been that cheerful lately...

My friend has termed it the quarter-life crises...the time of your life starting after your 20 and wondering where your life is headed...perhaps it is that...those who are extremely curios can Google the term up...its an interesting thing waisay...doesnt help at all though...:/ its like a confirmation that yea it sucks...

Khair, as people go on LAS trips…and I don’t…start internships…and I don’t…plan on not taking the summer quarter and that I do…sleep while I worry about a research paper that I still have to do…and tell me how happy they are about the chutian, I sit her feeling nothing. Zilch. Zero.

For me, all its been is just another day....exams howe...days off...u sleep/orkut/msn/blog it away n voila...there’s another day!

blah...

In other news...my plan of interning at a daily paper got shot down my parents. For reasons not necessarily important. Sigh.

And in still other news...I tripped and fell on the stairs a few days ago...in Lums…yes...in a public place *big deal* :P hurt myself quite bad…scraped/bruised knees that have turned the ugliest shade of blue-purple I’ve ever seen and pain rising out of places I didn’t even think had bony structures :P…

Anyhow, it again made me come back to reality and see how things have changed since we have grown up. Also along the lines of what Rabia wrote in one of her latest posts…about hating to grow up…man…its happening too fast I tell you…khair…coming back to the topic…

I mean look at how people react when a little kid falls…they won’t stand at one side cringing or laughing or even asking from far away ‘are you’re ok
?’ and then turning and walking away without waiting for an answer…They would and help the kid up.

What changes when you grow older I ask? Is the 20 something adult not supposed to stumble in life? And if they are is it a rule that we will be so embarrassed to help that we won’t budge from our place??? (the psychological bystander effect…oh someone else will go to help…why should I?) The thought makes me sick really. What ugly creatures are we?

And this isn’t about me…please…if you think this is attention/sympathy gaining stint…it isn’t…I just want to bring to light what sad, ugly creatures we humans become when we choose to grow up the way the world does…

What’s more…I was reiterating this weird and amusing incident to a couple of ‘good’ friends…and their first reply to my statement ‘I fell on the stairs quite bad yesterday’ was “Oh shiit…how many people saw you fall?” :

Get a grip really…is that all that matters??? Yea it’s quite amusing…and I laughed at first too…but now I’m just saddened at the whole scenario…

Besides, I’m in the mood to rant…and rant I will…

So yes, stop and think what you would do. Laugh? Ask and walk away? Cringe and thank God it wasn’t you who got embarrassed like that? Or help the person up?

While we all want and claim to be the last kind…lets be honest, we will probably want to ignore we ever saw it happening.

And please if you hear anyone talk about an incident like that...the least you could do is ask how they are…not how many people saw them fall…doesn’t help them at all…even if you try to seek refuge under the rhetoric that you want to save them from embarrassment. Bloody hell you do! And I was born yesterday…:P

And it’s not just about this. I’ve realized you just don’t keep waiting for ‘someone else’ to do it…you grab a few guts and you step up. I’ve been ignorant myself at times yes…but well…I’ve resolved to change. Sigh.

Speaking of being born yesterday…again…sigh…the years go faster these days.

Anyway, I hereby declare that I shall stand for all fumble footed fools :) oh yes!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

you say you care?

baah you dont even know...

NO.

you don't.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

delay the misery...

You can't see the scars...
but the wounds are there...
so deep...

----

I've embellished the scars now..
with all things nice...
with the oblivion of this world..
ignorance even..

I've made the memory
Freeze within

----

Wash your hands off me..
let me free...
move on..

leave the misery behind...
we will come back to it another day...
another day...

I'll let myself go....
and you too...

I'll learn to rhyme..
and play with words...

I'll not be vulnerable...
I'll go with the herd...

so lets go today...
we can come back...

another day...


(p.s: the title ...but only that...is taken from eagle eye cherry's save tonight...:)

What have i become...my sweetest friend...

just keeps coming back to this...somehow...more than ever this time...

She is standing at the crossroads. It’s a vicious vial of whirlwinds that is grabbing her by the back of her neck and pulling her in. She is overwhelmed by the force. She has given in to things she had always abhorred. She hates what she has become. It’s becoming hard to bear everyday.

She needs an escape. And she needs it now.

Otherwise she will soon be devoured. Lost forever in the redundancy of it all.

The memory is fading slowly…but it doesn’t go away…like dried marks left on an unwashed coffee cup. Perhaps, all that remains now is to wash away the marks. Forever.

Like wood sharpened off a pencil, a part of her is scraped off with every moment she’s alive. But in what ever fragile state it remains, it does not cease to exist. It is there nonetheless, it very much is.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Rain...

Yes, we spend our lifetime enjoying the times when it rains…anyone who doesn’t stop to enjoy it has to be either insane…or uninteresting. Years of growing up admiring the almost seductive scent of the earth when it rains, eating pakoras and samosas, appreciating the refreshed look on the leaves. The revival of the spirit of all things.

But today was different. I went to ‘play’ in the rain with my two year old niece. This was the first rain she had consciously ‘felt’ in her little existence. She giggled like a giddy child, and squeezed her eyes closed shrugging her shoulders as if trying to protect herself from the raindrops in vain, enjoying the very feeling of them splashing on her face at the same time.

It got me wondering. How does it feel like to experience your very first rain? The first rain of your life. What would these little droplets of water mean to you? Why would it make you feel excited…happy…refreshed…Would you even remember it later?

I would love to sometime block out every little association that I have with rain or the time it rains. Every song that I’ve ever heard in the rain, every little memory I’ve made, every hour that I’ve sat by the window looking at the rain outside, every outdoors dinner we have had to pack because it started raining, every little water shed that we have built as children by clogging water outlets with socks and making our own make-believe sea…every little thing. I would want to go back in time and feel it for the first time. No strings attached. Can we get that kind of freedom from our own past?

No?
Such a pity…

Sunday, March 12, 2006

stuff and nonsense

its been what? 3 months? 4?

really a long time to let a BLOG stay there all alone..idle...

its not like i didnt have anything to write about...
oh i had SO much to blabber about that its not even funny...life moving as fast as a wheel in a hamsters cage...doesnt stop for a second...but well i just didnt write...

Because i realize writing is not something you do automatically....or robotically....u write because you want to write...not because you have an obligation to do so...and when ure working without obilgations....you dont care how much time has passed....

Maybe i didnt write cause i didnt have time? well, frankly...you never do have time...you have to decide to push time one way or the other.....even right now, there are ofcourse more "productive" activities that i could be doing...like for example writing the term paper that im already late for....but i chose to return back to this drab old website with its drab old background...and with writings that more or less have dust settling on them now....

i never came around to 'customizing' my blog so its seems oh so unique and 'qudsia' type..i mean ive seen the blogs ppl have...impressive stuff...really...but well, i have a sad old blog dont i? If anyone was to ask me..i would go all sombre on them and tell them that i go for simplicity...and they would believe me...be impressed even and nod their head as with an awestruck approval of a person who doesnt believe in superficial displays of her uniqueness..

but then again...maybe im actually JUST lazy:P...who can tell?

sadness...

So why did i not write?...u know i think i was scared...theres just so much at stake once you put up a post here...when i first set this up..i thought oh no one would ever read this...and then u get a wave of excitement and start writing about all and sundry every other day...even twice or thrice the same day....visiting other ppls blog...adding em up in your list...commenting on their posts and telling them u have a blog too...oh blah...eventually they become regular vistors to ur blog...which is really really sweet of them actually...

really, i mean its so good a feeling when someone asks u why u havent uupdated your blog? it makes you feel wanted..and thats what all humans crave for right? a sense of being wanted...
but then again i shouldnt generalize for all humans...we should never generalize....lums has taught me that....

lums has also taught me alot of other wierdness...like how u can pretend to be all smart by using a word that ends with the suffix 'ism'. but really i dont want to indulge into the tangle of my education right now...otherwise ill come off as a pretentious snob who of course being one of those typical SS majors is going to criticize the way the world is to prove how intellectually sound she is. And then ppl will look up to her as some wowie figure who thinks..or ppl will just shrug her off as being wierd...and then eventually she will start beliving that she really is smart and the minions know nothing about the REAL world out there.

seriously now...its all a hoax...Intellectualism, SS majors, ACF majors...everything...u educate you own self...ur major can do nothing about what you eventually learn and decide to keep with u at the end of the day.

there are other hoaxes in the world too...if i was to speak of what ive learned so far at uni...i would say the biggest hoax is development....but i maintain the biggest hoax is intellectualism..even taking philo has led me to this conclusion...really...what foucault said about power...and what that dutch anthropolgist said about power-distance...i can ask a dahi barha wala today and maybe in essence he would say the same thing...and then if i was smart, i would recognize the idea...make some innovations i see there and then because i have the access and the means to get my name out there i would make it big and take the credit for somtehing an 'illeterate' person passed off as general observation...or i could indulge in a conversation with my grandfather on the issue..i could also ask my grandmother...but she would probably tell me not to worry about such stuff since the 'girls' in our society dont worry about these things...they obey their family traditions and study only till they get a good proposal and spend the rest of their lives becoming wierded out service doers...oh blah dont worry im not a feminist...but yea thats what she would say....do i stop loving her? no...

anyway coming back to foucault....well im not saying they were big dimbulbs lightened up by an accident...i admire these people..ofcourse i do..socrates, plato and oh hobbes:D....but whos to say that there arent smarter people out there....who maybe you consider mad...who youmaybe saw once cleaning cars at some 'dhaba' and thought to yourslef 'tsk tsk'....reallly doesnt it occur to you ever what goes on in peoples head?..

try it sometime at a red traffic signal...look around...imagine what the uncle sitting in the car next to you might be thinking...imagine what the cycle wala has on his 'list' of to do things today....really its intriguing...but dont stare too hard though....you know how ppl love to stare back in our country:) and TAHT is just sad....:P

khair...there are smaller hoaxes too...like metrosexuality...like feminism....like post modernism...

but i wasnt talking about that..ive gone off-topic....thats what i do all the time..and probably thats the reason why im so messed up in the head...i mean i envy people who can work with clockwork schedules...who can work with uninterupted concentration...i would never be able to do it...i would go crazy...but i still go crazy...when my life spins out of control cause i didnt do any planning....i thought 'going with the flow' is a good philosophy...works for everyone...but then how does one settle in peace with not taking any risks and going with the flow...but i guess im being warned that im taking too many risks these days!....

see what i mean about going off topic?

anyway...so yea...i get scared about putting up stuff here...cause well..people judge you....yea they say they wont..but they do....

take the sentence i just put up about feminism just now....yea i know people are now going to formulate a twisted opinion about how i dont stand for womens rights n blah even though i recognize that women in the 'east' are subjugated....or others will say that im only in denial...that im actually a hard core feminist who has to realize her 'ideology' yet...

now that is just sad actually....my question is why do u need to put up a label here...i used to love the word ideology till recently...it represented passion for me....but that the problem with nice words...people ruin the charm for u..they over use and over hype it and voila...
i may have a twisted ideology that doesnt fit in feminism...but ill still say i hate chauvinism...why would u need to classify me?

and now...people will think im this cynical wierdo who wants ppl to mind their own buiness...no thats not true..actaully thats not true for almost everyone ive seen..yes u pretend to live within this circle of ur own where you define ur likes, ur dislikes...ur strengths and your weaknesses...and you pretend to be so safe within this circle that you say you dont need praise...acclaim...support from others...or just plain attention even...but you do need attention...deep inside we are all craving for doing something that makes ppl realize what gems of a person we are...do i sound evil?

well i know its sad to put urself up as an attention seeking ass, but to a large or minor extent..thats what we all are...face it.

ill tell u a little experiment....have you seen people sit alone and have their lunch sometime...just observe how hard they try to pretend that they are very confident, very comfortable eating alone...its apparent all over the face...really its probably there on my face too cause im not a divine creature devoid of vain-ness or vulnerability....but well, im just telling you...its there....because in actuality the person is trying hard to ignore his own feelings of being extremely aware of himself...having the feeling that people are watching him..his every move...the way he chews....the way hes sitting....

its not really comfortable for us to be sitting without company....and those who are constantly seen alone arent alone cause they wnat to or cause no one really wants to be with them...they are like that because maybe they want company to a smaller extent than others...

see what i mean.....if u have read uptill here...you might be thinking what the crap has this woman blabbered about?

well the truth is...i dont know.. and i dont expect you to have read it...but i know ull do...
and i know ill feel...something...after i know that u read it....guilt? sadness? happiness?

i dont really know...or maybe i do know know and ill pretend indifference. Human beings have been blessed with alot of things...out of which one of the greatest is the ability to pretend indifference...
another one is being vague about something:)......

Something is changing inside you....and dont you know?
_yea i still sometimes go for superficial philosophies of axl rose

(P.S: This post is actually a live up to the statement: flushing your brains out...)

*To each his own*

Saturday, February 25, 2006

something i wrote...The On-Campus tirade:

The tales from the beyond the blue yonder…..’


“So what do you do?”
…“I study in LUMS.”…
“Oh…” *long pause* “So what’s it like?
…“It’s….ok” *slowly nods head*…
*awkward silence follows*

This random piece of conversation at a dinner lately got me thinking. What exactly is it like being a luminite? I’ve been a part of this university for more than two years now. It’s…different…

Life is strange in university. Yes. I have slowly been ingrained with this concept over the past two years since I left the ‘haven’ of school and joined, in a quest to learn and discover new truths (?), an institution of higher formal education. True, that it has led to new discoveries. It has led to exploration of ones own self and the world around. It has made us grow. But new truths? No, more like rude awakenings.

LUMS has not only been just about gaining ‘higher formal education’. It is also not entirely been about what majors we do or what courses we take. It has also not been about the symmetrical-ness of the academic block…the redness of the bricks everywhere and the idleness of sitting at the PDC.

Well maybe a lot of it is about that. I mean what would life at LUMS be without random rants about the PDC food, the idleness and the timelessly idiotic fun at the khokha, the cramming for exams in the superstore, the nighttime snacks from the khokha and the totally senseless whining and people-watching out on the road a.k.a the PatriJ.

But a lot more of it has been about introspection. A little more of it has about encountering a whole new 'species' of human kind (I say humankind since we wouldn’t want to evoke feminists by saying mankind!). People with their nuts and bolts. People with their eccentricities and sometimes… (emphasis on sometimes) people with all their niceness. It has been a magical learning experience; outside of what we were actually supposed to learn. (Aren’t we all excited?J).

With this label of ‘higher formal education’ now imprinted on me however, I have realized that I can accomplish so many tasks and get away with them which I could perhaps not do, (or didn’t have the idleness to consider) in the past. Now I can use big words (like categorical imperative, eurocentricism, procrastination and of course the usual ‘corporate speak’) to impress my younger acquaintances that are still in school. So yes, LUMS has also been about learning a lot of new ‘isms’.

And learning these ‘isms’ has effectively armed me with a powerful weapon. I feel as powerful as a gandasa wielding Sultan Rahi now. By charming my younger relatives/friends/siblings of friends and the likes with big words that ‘sound smart’ I have put myself up as a heroic creature that fell from the skies into a world that they have only seen in the movies.

And then there has been a reinforcement of the ‘Americanized’ version of the typical university student. My acquaintances will now conjure up an image of the university student as an individual who has no uniforms to worry about, has the choice to answer back to teachers (inconceivably immoral right?), studies tough subjects never heard of (the emphasis on the word ‘tough’ here is actually a pun), has ‘fun’ parties every other day with no restrictions whatsoever from his parents or teachers since he/she is now considered to be a ‘responsible adult’ and also has a capacity and the permission (*gasp*) to stay up at least three nights in a row.

I mean to say that I would proceed to tell these poor innocent minds tales of what a boring, tiresome day I had at university: that I had classes that went till 9pm at night, that my lunchtime in the ‘café’ was interrupted by countless guitar playing of forlorn souls trying to demonstrate their talents (or the lack thereof); and these people of whom I spoke of earlier would not ponder over my agonized face but would rather exclaim with rather awestruck eye-popping expressions something like ‘Wow! You have classes that go on so late?? So cool!!’ and I would then resort to holding my head in my hands in despair…and choosing to ignore the irrelevance of the preceding remark.

Many similar events will then follow when your relatives, your cousins and your old friends will brand you as the ‘busy bee’ and complain that you no longer have time for them or anything for that matter. Due to university you would have to miss weddings, birthdays and the auspicious occasion of your paternal aunt buying a new microwave…resulting in unabashed disapproval from your entire extended family.

Another aspect that will put you higher up on the scale of family outburst is the question of your gender. Since ‘boys will always be boys’ (spoken with a man-hating somewhat envious teeth-grinding voice) and can get away with almost anything, girls that even plainly commit to the idiosyncrasies of university studies and try to get ‘out there’ with the guys doing something simple as field research will get considerable amounts of eyebrow-raising from certain ‘aunties’ who might also contemplate displeasure over the point that you have been pulled away from learning the great ‘art of domesticity’ (*tsk tsk* so against the eastern lifestyle!). Did I mention these aunties are such a pain?

But that’s just one slant of the prism. I firmly believe that university also arms you with the tools to tackle the issues mentioned above. How you ask? Well, simply put, as I already mentioned, because of the vast array of people you come across while in university…, you learn to accept a lot of people for their own eccentricities. I for one know that I have become more tolerant of weirdness, in people and conduct. ‘To each his own’ has become now one of the most important philosophies in life.

You learn to keep up appearances and if you’re lucky you will master the art of ‘fake-smiling’ which by the way I must mention, is VERY useful in front of those aunties I mentioned earlier! Fake smiling is a skill that comes very handy at university. It might help you in getting the ‘right’ people on your side, if you know what I mean. It also might help you get a discount at lunch or put everything you buy in a credited account that you never repay until you graduate. It might fool the people you hate (like that tall brunette in sociology class that you just can’t stand….or that guy with long hair who plays really bad guitar and puts too much gel on his hair thinking he’s really cool) into thinking that you’re actually nice to them so they stay out of your hair. Most significantly though, it could help you persuade the instructor to postpone an exam and to extend the deadline on an assignment. But I guess by the end of it…it could also earn you the reputation of being the dimwit who smiles a lot for no reason!

Since I have just spoken of deadlines, let me elaborate little on this evil associated with university studies. But before I start speaking of deadlines…there is another concept that needs a little deliberation: ‘Procrastination’. Now, five years earlier I had not even heard this word. Even later since I learned the meaning, it was merely a word I word I could use to sound smart and nothing else. That was until I came to college. At college ‘procrastination’ is not merely a word, it’s a lifestyle!

Let’s for starters define the word: Procrastination has been defined as "Unnecessarily putting off tasks now despite the risk of negative effects later."…Aaah yes, see what a forsaken evil it is. This definition is taken out of a faculty member’s advisory book to his students...hence the negative undertones…if you were reading a students diary though, procrastination would be defined as an attitude that allows one to be adamant about not doing academic course work without feeling any guilt! This lack of guilt is directly related to thus the ignorance of the phenomenon explained as ‘deadlines’ above. They are there to make you work….but in actuality they just eventually seem to be wretched undefeated monsters that just won’t quit….

The fact that deadlines and procrastination have both become over-hyped about words…should have been clear by now! It should also now give you an idea of why deadlines just tick me off…

On the lighter side, or perhaps on the somewhat unfortunate side, LUMS has had an excessive amount of stress on ‘individuality’. This is why most people don’t want to or consciously learn to live outside of midterms, papers, quizzes, exams and ‘themselves’. We hardly learn to live outside of how to do a good presentation, how to get marks above the mean, how to get a job. And those few who do, make their grades suffer. What ever happened to living with a selfless cause?

I will reiterate, university…is a strange…however, mysterious phenomenon. And in this mysterious-ness is hidden a certain delight too. At the end of the day it perhaps doesn’t matter entirely how much we learn but how much we keep out of these years at university because truly it makes us what we are.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a term paper to finish...*sheepish smile